I'm Still Here
by Mariana1
Summary: Kai POV (though he's definitely OOC) Very Angsty, Songfic to Evanescence 'Hello'... SLASH, Shounen ai (don't read if you don't like) TyKa (Kaison, KaixTyson etc etc)


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Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade… I do not even own _a_ beyblade. I wish I could own it, I wish I could own all of them… **grabs the bladebreakers** but as I can't I am resigned to my fate of merely dreaming about owning them and in my spare time writing strange, badly written stories that twist the characters. I don't own the song, "Hello" belongs to Evanescence, and it is a wonderful song.

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AN: My friend got me addicted to both Beyblade and Evanescence (thank you Willow!) and this is what came from that very bad dual addiction. I apologise for any mistakes, I haven't watched Beyblade for that long. I know Kai's OOC, but you have to take the situation into account.

WARNING SLASH WARNING SLASH WARNING SLASH WARNING SLASH WARNING SLASH

Tyson/Kai from this point on (I just _love_ TyKa!) You have been fully warned so _please_ don't flame me, or I will start a hall of shame on my bio. 

Also, as another point, this, although it was written in one of my rare happy moods, is probably the most angsty fic I've ever written. 

Please be good little readers and review… **smiles hopefully** constructive criticism graciously accepted… and thrown away (j/k!)

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I'm Still Here

Blackness is clearing, and the fuzziness fades away. But I still can't see clearly, it's as though my eyes have glazed over and I can't focus them. My ears are clearing too, and the buzzing is dying down, leaving me with the sounds of the world around me coming in sharp and clear, sharper than ever before, as though some back ground noise has disappeared, letting me hear them properly for the first time. The clarity of everything overwhelms me at first and I just lie there, taking it all in. I can't identify what they are at first and I just listen to them purely as sounds, not in context. It seems important that I take the time to do this somehow, I've never done it before, but all of a sudden it seems vital.

Then the sounds separate out into distinct things which I can identify and I try to get them back to the whole they had been, but it's like trying to piece together a shattered glass, and it just doesn't seem to be working. But then I pick out one of the sounds above the others, a low voice next to me. And my sight clears a bit.

Tyson, I can't quite focus on the boy, kneeling at my side, it's as if my eyes weren't working properly, when I know I have 20/20 vision. Maybe I should get glasses. But it doesn't matter that I can't see him properly, as much as I want to, I know his face off by heart, I've memorised every one of his expressions. I've watched him for years, just taking in the details. It's amazing what you see when people don't think you notice.

I can't quite make out what he's saying, it's muffled, as though he's crying. And would usually make me angry, that anyone would dare hurt him. I would be at their throat immediately. I'm overprotective of him, I can't help it. I can't stand the thought of anyone laying a finger on him. I think if _I_ hurt him I'd probably hurt myself. Just the thought of it makes me furious, normally. But, today I feel an odd detachment from the situation, as though I'm just an observer. I should be sitting up, asking him who hurt him, but I can't will my body to move, it just wants to lie here, taking in the world.

Staring directly up at the sky is a strange way of looking at the world, I should try it more often, I never truly take the time to look, I'm always focussed on one particular thing, heading toward one goal and ignoring the scenery. I miss an awful lot. In the future I must remember to take time just to look. Now, for example, it's starting to rain. I've never seen rain from this angle before, and it's beautiful.

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playground school bell rings again  
rain clouds come to play again  
has no one told you she's not breathing?  
hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
hello

I wait to feel the first drops of rain on my face, but then they come, and I can't feel them. I try to speak to Tyson, but my body isn't obeying my commands. I can't move, I can't feel anything, it's like I'm completely numb. I sense panic beginning to creep into my mind, from the dark edges that contain my paranoia. I realise that Tyson's holding me, all this time he's been hugging me to him, and I can't feel it.

The first time he's ever touched me like this and I can't feel it. Then I understand. I'm dreaming. That's why it's so fuzzy feeling, why it doesn't feel real. I've had lucid dreams before, I know what they're like. Something, in that paranoid core of me, is telling me something's different. But I ignore it. It's just another one of these dreams, where I can't tell Tyson how I feel.  
  
_if I smile and don't believe  
soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

Tyson is pried off me, and I catch a sight of his eyes. Typical dream, he's all fuzzy but his eyes, that weird shade of midnight blue, are perfectly clear. Then I notice that they're full of tears. He's still crying, and I don't know why. I think I know why I get these dreams now. They're telling me that I've got to tell him, before it's too late and he's found someone else.

Then I see who has replaced him, a couple of people I've never seen before, fuzzy like Tyson, but I can't see their eyes. Only to be expected, you never see people you don't know's features in dreams it's almost a law. They bring out some things I can't see and then I feel an immense pull all over me, it's a shock after being numb for so long and it's so sudden it's almost painful, but I manage to resist the forceful pull. I don't want to go wherever they're trying to take me. I'm moved, and the world goes fuzzy again.

Something's pulling me again, not the same as before, something far more peaceful, just a gentle tug. But again I resist, it seems nice, but it's taking me away from Tyson, and Tyson's crying, I can't just leave him like that. I have to try to tell him.

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don't try to fix me I'm not broken  
hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide

My vision clears again, but it's worse this time than before, all I can see is a blank whiteness, encompassing everything, other than… Tyson, he's here again, and I can hear him crying. He shouldn't cry, he shouldn't ever cry. It makes me feel so awful to here that sound, it's helpless, almost pathetic. I want to reach out to him, but I can't do it, I still can't move. I want to kiss those tears away. I want to comfort him, I want to tell him, if I could wake up I would tell him…

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don't cry

And then I can move, I feel something splitting inside me, with an almost audible tearing sound and I sit up and reach up to stroke his face. I want to tell him the secret I've been hiding behind my unfeeling exterior for so long. It's difficult to break the habits of a lifetime but I'm going to, This reaching out to him in the dream has to be a good sign.

And now I can hear him talking, and I can see him clearly, my eyes no longer cloudy. His eyes are red and swollen with tears, and his hair is in complete disarray. Tears are still welling from his eyes, but he's not looking at me, he's looking down at the place I just was. 

"Aishiteru, Kai," I stand in shock for a minute, allowing those words just to wash over me, I let them linger in the air, then turn to see what he's staring at.

It's me. Lying in a plain white bed, my slate hair arranged neatly and my face a deathly shade of grey. My eyes are closed and Tyson is clutching one of my white hands. 

"Tyson?" I ask, but my voice is a whisper, I can barely hear it and even then it's as if it's just an echo, in my head. I reach out to myself, but my hand passes through it. I turn to Tyson and try to brush his hair from his eyes. But my fingers go straight through it, and I can't feel it.

"TYSON!?" I'm losing my composure. I never lose my composure, but I'm frantic, this can't be real, it's a dream, it's all a dream! I want Tyson to grin at me and tell me it's another one of his practical jokes. But I know it's not, Tyson would never do something this cruel. He 's always been there to save me, why can't he do it this time?

Then the paranoid part of me gets louder, and it's screaming out 'I told you so.' And I can't make it shut up. I just freeze there, not sure and I take a step back, as if getting further away from my… from me… will make this less true, a completely irrational though that I'm ashamed of thinking. But I can't help it.

  
_suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

I watch, still in a state of shock as Tyson reaches out and places Dranzer into my lifeless hands, he's smiling slightly, and I have to thank him for that. He knows I would want her with me, no matter what. 

"Thank you…" I say, even though I know he can't hear me. But his smile grows slightly, as though he can sense me, somehow. Maybe Dragoon's helping him. I don't know. But suddenly I know that I've still got to say it. Even if he'll never know, I've got to say it, just so I can have said it.

"Aishiteru, Tyson…" He'll never see me, never hear me. But I have eternity to watch him. And I'll be here.

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hello I'm still here   
all that's left of yesterday


End file.
